The ‘Gift’ of Singleness

Ok so most of you will know that for many years i have struggled with being single (and if you didn’t know then just read my previous blog!!). Anyway a few weeks ago a friend sent me a link to a talk she had heard on singleness and thought I may be interested. (Thanks Holly God has used it so so much in my life already)

The speaker was a lady called Carolyn McCulley, and If I am completely honest, I took one look at the title and thought ‘I’ve heard all this before’! The title was ‘We're Not on Hold: Biblical Femininity for Single Women’.  That night I was restless and couldn’t sleep so I thought i would listen to the talk ( I mean if even if I wasn’t going to learn anything I didn’t already know at least it may help me get to sleep lol).

Thankfully the lord had a plan. As I listened to Carolyn share her heart with her sisters I could hear my heart leap in agreement.  Here was someone who has felt the hurts of yet another lonely year gone by and yet has trusted God. I spoken to some of you and you had told on me. All the times i sat alongside some of you and complained at God’s timing on giving me a husband. I mean she was spot on. The reason she knew how i felt was because she felt it too.

However, She was single and struggling, but struggling well.

After listening to her speak I immediately started to google her. She had written a book as well. So …. I bought it!

I am now 3/4 through the book but could not wait until i finished it to recommend it. It is by far the best book i have read on singleness ( and lord knows I have read a few)

Here is a short extract:

Now that I’m (Carolyn McCulley) forty and Single I see that I haven’t died of deferred hopes. Actually life is pretty good. I would still like to be married, but this hope doesn’t consume me the way it used to. I am trusting that when I get to see the big picture from Heavens viewpoint, I will agree that God’s plan for my life was best that the years i spent single were worth it for the ways God has used me………….. One thing I’ve learned to do is praise God in the middle of my dashed hopes. Years ago when a hoped-for relationship wouldn’t happen or a friendship wouldn’t kindle into a romance, I would crash and burn emotionally. But now I have learned something from the prophet Habakkuk and his closing psalm.

Hab 3:17-18 says:  For though the fig-tree shall not flourish, Neither shall fruit be in the vines; The labor of the olive shall fail, And the fields shall yield no food; The flock shall be cut off from the fold, And there shall be no herd in the stalls:  (Hab 3:17) Yet I will rejoice in Jehovah, I will joy in the God of my salvation.  (Hab 3:18)

Carolyn has paraphrased these verses to apply to her circumstances:

  “Though this friendship does not blossom, nor love be in his heart, though he chooses to pursue someone else,  and my prayers seem to go unanswered, though others walk down the wedding aisle, and i remain behind,  Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,  I will take joy in the God of  my salvation'”                                             

OK So I’m going to quit ‘talking’ and let you check it out for yourself

Here is the link to her talk:

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByDate/1667_Were_Not_on_Hold_Biblical_Femininity_for_Single_Women/

She also has a blog:

http://solofemininity.blogs.com/

and currently has two books the one that I am reading is called: ‘Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye: trusting God for a hope deferred’ She also has another book called ‘Radical Womanhood’

So I think this is officially my longest ever blog but I hope is well worth the read. If you are single and struggling or you know someone who is then please please take a look at what God has shown Carolyn McCulley.

I have wasted so many of the last years Consumed by my lack of a husband, its time now to be consumed by the one who loves me far more than a husband ever can!!!!

Created to reflect Gods Glory..

If I God never gives me a husband and family is he still good? This Question is one that has run through my head daily for the past months. What if God’s ‘goodness’ towards me is that I remain single? Am I ok with that?

So many well meaning friends have said that the moment they told God that ‘If He wanted them to be single then that was ok’ was when he provided their Husband. At the moment I can’t ever imagine telling God that I am ok with being single, because i am not.

So then i started to think why would God not give me a husband? Why would he not fulfil this desire of my Heart? I came up with two answers...
1) God wil lnot/is not giving not me a husband because i don’t deserve one... because I have messed up to much... because I am not attractive enough.... because he does not love me.
OR
2) God will not/is not giving me a husband because he loves me and knows what is best for me... and his timing in everything is perfect.
So which one of these answers is true. My head and emotions tell me the first.. but scripture tells me the later.

I have always struggled with the idea that God LOVES ME.. not just the world but ME. So I began to think about what God created me for.. Isaiah 43 says ‘every one that is called by my name, and whom I have created for my glory, whom I have formed, yea, whom I have made.’ I am created for His glory, therefore ,why would He not seek to glorify himself in my life by giving me ‘good things’.

So all that may not make any sense to you but to me the light bulb has gone off. God gives me what is good for me as it glorifies himself to do so!!!!

God Glorify yourself in me! Husband or no husband glorify yourself!

The reason why I can run back into my fathers arms!!

Letter

Its been hard to talk to God at the moment so a friend suggested I write a letter. So here it is..Pray that God will answer the prayers of his sinful selfish daughter!

God,
I wanted to write dad instead of God, but it is hard for me to think of you as dad at the moment. I feel so distant from you. How did I get to this place? Walking with you daily seems a distant memory. I’m not sure how to feel at the moment... I am sad because I miss being intimate with you...I am angry because I don’t feel like you have given me what i desire, a husband? What if you plan is to never give me a husband. What then?
I have been reminded this week of the story of the prodigal son. How I long to run into those welcoming arms! What stops me... not feeling worthy.. Feeling too far away from you to come back...
I remember times of weeping over those lost without you... Now I am the one who feels lost! I know how your heart must break when i turn to the world to give me answers. But God...my heart aches.. it aches with loneliness and hurt... and i desperately want to fix those things... but how.
Your church here is not a good picture of you.. it causes me to feel further away from you. What do i do God where do i turn? As peter said ‘where can i go for you have the words of eternal life’. Truth is God I cant run away...you are the only source of life.. So I say God I believe..Help my unbelief! Help me to trust you God. Help me to see that your plan is best... help me to know that you love me...
I am tired God.. I don’t want to run anymore... take me away God and make me more like you... God make me miserable until i walk with you again... I long to hear the words ‘I’m proud of you’ from my earthly father... when truthfully I long even more to hear them from my heavenly father.
Help Lord! Help me fall in love with you again.
Your lonely and desperate to be loved daughter
Jo

Sweet Memories!

Sometimes its easy to look forward and think about have far away you are from the person you want to be... that you forget have far God has taken you. So i have decided to sit and write down some favorite memories of my time at Southeastern and especially my time with Campus Outreach.

• My first bible study with Shelley and Jill – I had so so many questions – I had heard the Gospel so many times but for the first time I began to realize that the Gospel was for ME not just for the person next to me.
  
• Winter Getaway- a small mini bus for both UL and SLU – I sat at the back between shelley and Jill and said “ you have something I don't have” at that point I did not realize that what was missing was a relationship with the Lord.
  
• Sitting at my first Beach project trying to write my testimony and 'knowing' that I did not have a relationship with the lord. That night I did not sleep at all. Later I found out that Jill had prayed that I would not be able to sleep until I was right with the lord.
  
• Asking God to be Lord of my life at the Spyglass through tears! Jill and I had gone to Lunch and I couldn't eat a thing. I remember almost running to Jill's room so that I could pray!!!
  
• Sharing the Gospel for the first time at the Beach in Panama City Beach. It still amazes me how the Gospel becomes more and more real to me each time I share it with others!
  
• Jill and I meeting for D group at my House. Sweet times in God's word!
  
• Going to Lee Hall (Uni Dorms) to meet girls! I was Terrified!

Ok... So I have loads more memories but If I don't go to bed now I Will fall asleep on my laptop!! Yes I am getting too old for late nights....
ok so just one more memory-

• Blowing out my tyres on my truck at Casey and Jill's house – Thanks for Changing the tyres Casey!!

Good night!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder!

I have been wanting to update this blog for days now, however, the question remains the same- what shall I say? What am I thinking/feeling? What am I learning? What has God been teaching me?

The answer to these questions used to flow naturally but now I feel that I don’t know me.

First let me update you on my physical health- I have returned to my doctor and she has referred me to the heart specialist for further tests. My heart rate has slowed now that the medication is kicking in however, I am still skipping beats. All this means at the moment is, I am constantly tired!!

What is God teaching me? – Not to be content with Good as he wants the best. I have spent the last 18 months making good decisions yet he wants to give me the best. While supporting my family and wanting to protect them from difficult circumstances is a good desire. Living my life for the purpose of knowing God and making him known is Best and that’s what I should be making decisions in light of.

Some of you will agree with me when I say that I have always been feeling based. If I feel good then life is great. Well this has been multiplied since moving to Wales. Mainly as I have few people to speak who are willing to speak truth to me. I have struggled with many topics especially the being single thing. It is a constant struggle as all around me are couples and families. I went to a wedding a few weeks ago. The Bride was a friend of mine from school. It was difficult, as during the evening one friend reminded me that I was now the only one in our group of friends who was single! Thanks! I keep thinking – Whats worng with me? I’m not pretty enough, funny enough, skinny enough! It would be easy to settle for good in this area. To settle for the good guy in town or the single half descent guy around the corner. BUT! By God’s grace I continue to wait for the man he has for me. (When I was in hospital I remember praying “God don’t let me die not knowing what it is to love and be loved”!) Don’t worry I’m not convinced I’m Dying but you see what I’m thinking.

I remember so many nights in Hammond La when I had friends phoning with social events – Girls night at Kim’s! Hang out at the Glo! Eating out at Applebee’s! Oh boy I wish I had those phone calls now. I’m Lonely! And so miss you guys in Hammond!

Anyway I am in work at the mo and though it is very quiet I probably need to go and do some work. Thanks for listening to my waffling. I’m sure it all made more sense to me than it did to you! Love ya!

Can't sleep!!

It is now 4.50am and i have not been able to sleep again... I am so tired! so I have just spent some time on e-sword lookning for verses on sleep/rest to claim.... God is the one who gives all things and he gives his children Rest

Psa 4:8 In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Psa 127:2 It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep

Mat 11:28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Father allow me to rest in you I pray...